What are Your 20’s Going to Look Like?

It’s almost 2020. 

Photo by Austin Chan on Unsplash

Somehow, the 20’s became a magical decade. Many people never mature out of them or at least never admit to it. Perhaps the Roaring ‘20’s still capture our imagination. Maybe we just like the idea of a younger, more carefree version of ourselves. 

Let’s call bullshit, shall we?

Let’s stop looking back nostalgically, or expectantly, or worshipfully. The truth is, wherever you are now, is perfect. It’s exactly where you should be to learn and grow in the ways that you specifically need. You’ve earned your way to this very spot. It is not good or bad, it just is. And it’s yours to live.

But that doesn’t mean that you have to stay. 

Maybe that’s already painfully obvious to you. Maybe life and transition is happening to you right now, whether you feel ready or not. 

Maybe:

  • A parent requires your caregiving and suddenly you’re not sure if you can handle being both a ‘child of’ and a ‘caregiver of’ (not to mention ‘partner of’, ‘colleague of’, etc.)
  • You have a new job or your work life is changing or you got a longed for promotion that’s scaring the pants off of you.
  • You are thinking about leaving something (a job, a relationship, a social group) that has defined you for so long that you can’t really imagine there’s another side.
  • You are getting divorced or are recovering from a deeply wounding break-up.
  • You’re not even sure how to articulate it, but a small voice inside you knows you are stuck or lost and won’t let you rest.

So, let’s ask again – what are your 20’s going to look like? What will this decade hold for you and for your work in the world? The world needs you. We need your gifts and courage, your grace and engagement. And it’s ok to not know what that means or where to start. 

You don’t have to figure it out alone.  The 2020’s don’t just have to happen to you. But they are coming fast. 

Find your breath.

Find your people.

Find your coach.

Do the creative work of making the life you want.

Now accepting a limited number of coaching clients to begin in January 2020. Group experiences coming in 2020. 

Try This:

Close your eyes. Take three deep centering breaths. Keep breathing and imagine what you want your life to look like in 10 years – your home, your social life, your spiritual life, your health, your career and livelihood.

Now two more deep breaths – what does this future feel like? Envision the feel of your day-to-day. Imagine the way happiness and fulfillment feel in your body. Do they feel solid and grounding? Do they feel light and free? Where does laughter and joy reside? 

Reflect:

How did that experience feel? Did you have immediate ideas about your future or did it feel like you were looking into a grey void? Both are ok – and both deserve exploring. Immediate ideas should be considered thoughtfully. Where did those ideas come from? Are those ideas for your life yours, or did they come from someone else? Grey voids mean you have lots of room to create, to play, to try on ideas until the right ones fit. 

What do you want?

Practice:

Spend two minutes every morning for the next two weeks envisioning this life and feeling these feelings.

The Voice of Imperfection

Mirabai Starr, Wild Mercy: Living the Fierce and Tender Wisdom of the Women Mystics

Our ideas of perfection are almost always external. We were taught about perfection, or we internalized ideas about it when we were growing up. Social media and regular media are a constant barrage of “perfection”.

By the time we are adults, our imperfections, on the other hand, are mostly internalized comparisons. We call them out to ourselves all the time – I’m fat. I’m lazy. I’m dumb. I’m not as good as…We judge ourselves again the external. I do it so much, I don’t even realize how often it happens.

What if our imperfections were actually something else entirely?

What if the internal judgements that we obsess over are actually helpful messages that we misread in our quest to be perfect?

I’m lazy. (Could also be – I need to rest.)

I can’t get everything done and I’m failing. (Could also be – maybe I don’t have to do everything and ‘doing everything’ is too much for anyone. I need help. I need to let go.)

I’m always tired. (Maybe your body need better nutrition? Exercise? Are you spending your energy on things that drain, rather than feed, you?)

Maybe our imperfections are important messages we are misinterpreting.

Can we stop beating ourselves up long enough to actually listen to what our ‘imperfections’ are telling us?

AFP International Conference 2019

A little slow to post – but such a great conversation and group at AFP ICON. As one participant told me later,

“It’s so great to know that you are not alone but to also feel inspired by something that seems so hard.”

Thanks Rachel Mallernee for the support and the pic!